Stages of Stress

I'm beginning to see that extended stress, like grief, has stages. First comes denial. You realize that something stressful has begun but you want to imagine it'll be over soon, so just don't 'look it in the eye'. Second come acceptance. You see that you are stuck in the situation and you have to recognize this as reality. Third is dread. You brace yourself because you're not sure how long this is going to last but you know it's going to be very uncomfortable. Fourth is anxiety. You can't relax. You can't eat because your stomach is in knots. You can't sleep because your mind won't stop worrying. Fifth is numbness. You are burnt out. Food is flavorless. Your perspective is fundamentally pessimistic. Why are you even trying anymore? Sixth is anger. This is stupid. Where did this come from? How can something that didn't even exist a couple month ago be ruining your life? Seventh is sarcasm. You eventually realize that life is still happening despite your predicament and you can either let this continue to sap you dry, or you can choose to see humour in it. This tends to be a very dry, sarcastic, twisted sort of humour. But it feels better none-the-less. Eighth is sorrow. You realize that you may be able to laugh your way through, but your problems still remain and pressure continues to build. You don't know if this will ever end, and your just... flat on the ground like roadkill. Ninth is determination. This is a stepping stone. Because it doesn't matter what it is, it will pass. It's be hard and messy and scary, and it'll probably hurt, but it'll pass. If you cannot control your situation, then you must work your way through it. Look around and see what else is happening in your life. Take a deep breath. Live on.

Look down.

This is for you:

Look down. That's your chest. Watch it rise and fall as you breathe. Lungs! If you hold really really still maybe you'll be able to feel you heart drumming beneath your ribs. They've been up all day and all night on your behalf. They believe that you have a right to be alive today. Go on, Say, "thank you." Out loud. And that's your voice. Rather pleasant isn't it. Always at your beck and call. Ready to jump in and assist you when're you have the urge to exclaim anything. So loyal. It comes out of your mouth. The one smiling. On your face. That's the front of your head. Unless you are looking in a mirror you cannot see your head. Think about that. Every day you look around at the world and your head hides out of sight. Sure you use your head but you probably never go, "Oh yeah. I'm using my head right now. That thing, up there, that I can't really see." Touch it to make sure it's still there. Hey! You moved your arm! Your brain did that! That what the rest of your head is for: holding your brain. Your control system. Your memory bank. Your emotion-meter. Your idea maker. Your identity: You. Just saying, your head is awesome. Hands down the coolest thing about you.

So stop judging yourself from outside. You know diddly squat about 'outside'. You exist inside. Judge yourself by you imagination, your desires, your compassion, your sense of humour, your unique perspective!! Let outside make of you what it will. What the heck gives you the idea that you know what outside makes of you? Money comes and goes. Time and accidents can change your looks. Experience affects situation and location. Around you others are drawn to you or repelled from you for countless reasons. But you, are stuck with you. The real you. Love you!! And love others. Real others!! That, my friend, is how you find true love. wink emoticon

The end.

On Behalf of Heroes - 2013

I recently re-edited this poem.

On Behalf of Heroes

Small towns each have their heroes,
Just like cities, in their way,
And though he was no superman
Will was there to save the day!

Every afternoon of summer,
In his tree fort by the brook
He'd map out his heroic deeds
In his secret hero's book.

At one o'clock he'd face a dragon.
At two he'd win a war.
At three he'd stop a run-away-train,
And he'd save the "high seas" 'til four.

And between each wild adventure,
Blocking bad guys high and low,
Will would climb back to his tree fort
And survey the world below.

As he watched the people 'round him,
All engrossed in hectic lives,
Will would often ask, "Where've all the heroes gone?
Did none of them survive?"

-- Chorus--
Where have all the heroes gone?
Are they sleeping?
Are they dead?
Where are all the knights in armor
From the books so often read?
What happened to the stories?
What happened to the dreams?
Are there really so few heroes as it seems?
--

Will was standing at the crosswalk,

Heavy pack and dropping head,
A few years now had changed him

But he still dreamt inside his head.

For every day he walked to school,
Passing people, sad and stressed,

And he would think about his heroes,

Why and where they'd gone to rest.

In the overcrowded hallways,
In a line, behind a book,

From outside Will was quite average

Nothing special if you looked.

But the gears were always turning,

Ideas filled his mind,

And beneath the normal life he led,

He was about to make a find,

Will... had super powers.

He was destined to change it all.
He would rescue, fight, and save,
He would rise and heed the call.

-- Chorus--
Where have all the heroes gone?
Are they sleeping?
Are they dead?
Where are the knights in armor
From the books so often read?
What happened to the stories?
What happened to the dreams?
Are there really so few dreamers as it seems?
--

Will now works a full time job.

He clocks in nine to five.

He heroes all throughout the day,

Then he heroes on the side.

But what if I were to tell you,

Will's career is really plain,

He wears a tie, he brings his lunch,

He gets there on a train.

“Hero” isn't an official title.

For that he isn't paid.

In fact not many are quite aware,

That Will is really brave.

“Does he have a secret identity?

For hiding from the fame?”

Does it count if the homeless man he fed,

Still doesn't know his name?

You see, Will is a real hero.

Like him, and her, and me.

Smiling, serving, protecting the world,

Like a hero ought to be.

Ending Chorus--
Are you asking, "Where've the heroes gone?"
Are you watching?
Are you sure?
Have you looked inside to find one?
Are you keeping your heart pure?
So, what about your stories?
And what about your dreams?
Dreaming's not so hard as it may seem!

SMILE

Not quite sure who wrote this song, but it's been sung by a lot of famous singers. And for good reason. It's a good song:

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

Faery Tale

Tonight I miss the dream world of my childhood. With faeries and sprites, wood elves and water nymphs. Where you can actually taste moon light, dance on the surface of a pond, and be crowned with a circlet of iridescent dew drops. Where you curl up on on thick, soft moss beside a small bonfire, singing hauntingly sweet lullabies to the lilting fiddle and fairy pipes, and wink at the stars between the gently swaying silver tree tops overhead. I miss the wild and exotic flavor of magic. The feel of deeply breathing fresh, living air. Smelling a tale to be told on the breeze. I miss feeling free to believe anything could happen and it would be a dream come true. I want to capture that again. I want my own faery tale.

The tides of time

The year is drawing to a close. Time, like waves breaking on rocky shores, wears us in. Shaping us with the ebb and flow of tides. Carrying away little grains of our souls to wash up on foreign beaches. Where we are bound to discover fantastic worlds, and have many grand adventures. ;)

Bits of the poet in me...

So there are random times when I'm thinking about things, rolling thoughts over in my mind, being pensive or merely whimsical, and my thoughts come out poetry. It doesn't always make sense, these poem-thoughts, but I like that ring of them, the melody of them, and so I write them down somehow. Many of them are just bits. Poems never, or not yet, finished. I keep finding them on the backs of mail or receipts around my room, so I thought perhaps I should put them all in one place. Here.

--

There is a star to heaven,

that lights upon my heart.

Cutting through the blinding fog

it shines out in the dark.

A spotlight on the stage of life.

I stand beneath its glow.

I feel it's warmth upon my neck,

as I preform the show.

I do not know who's watching.

I cannot see the crowd.

But my lines mean nothing to me

if I don't speak them out loud.

Sometimes I see no other players.

I feel I act alone.

But the holy spot where I must stand,

the light has always shone.

--
--
Fear and pride stand side by side,
and point the way to hell.
While faith will rise with heaven's eyes,
hope and charity as well.
--

No easy path is worth hiking.

So tripping and bruising I fall.

No perfect man walked, e'er but Christ.

But he blazed out the trail for all.

Forever an uphill battle.

Forever a mountain to climb.

Onward we stumble and falter.

Rise up, determined of mind.

--

My heart is a well,
My finger the tap.
Upon this page I drip and bleed.

Words flush out.
I plumb my soul.
I wet my lips on things I read.

--

Tell me a story.
But tell me no lies.
Please make it simple,
But never disguise
The truth.

--

Lying still,
On a bed of clover.
Sighing,
For the day is over.
Silent,
Just to hear the Earth's heart beat.

--

Where are you going?
And where have you been?
And when are you coming,
Back here again?

--

Don't you see the stars tonight?
The ones that shine so bright.
Like the stars in you eyes,
Those bright lights in the skies,
They are shining tonight.

Don't you see the moon tonight?
The water, bending the light
So it lights up your face,
The most beautiful place
That it's shining tonight.

Oh, oh, oh,

And when you are far,
I'll still look to the stars,
I'll image I see
Your eyes looking a me.
Still shining wherever you are.

--

Here I stand upon a hill
And hold my hand out stretched.
And in my empty fingers grasp
At breezes I can't catch.

And at my feet the earth slopes by,
Down to a rolling plain.
That spans and spans as far as sight
'Til all is sky and grey.

Winds, in deep exhaling gusts,
Wrap 'round my legs and waist.
In scents of sweat and dust and rain,
To each a seasoned taste.

--